A Good Name

A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.
~Proverbs 22:1

for a long time, I had a dream. It was a seemingly impossible dream, but I wanted it badly. At times my dream became my idol.

I wanted my name cleared.

I didn't want people to shudder when they heard my name. I didn't want them to look down their noses at me. I wanted a name that wasn't black.

//Long story short, I was really rebellious. I went looking for things in the wrong places + I let someone talk me into doing things I knew were wrong. I disobeyed my dad. I disregarded when people tried to help me see my wrong.

It took a lot to wake me up, but nothing is impossible with God.

I started to slowly see what I had done + how wrong it was. I tried to get the other person involved to see it too, but they wouldn't.

The Lord worked more and more on my heart, and the killer came when this person "got saved".

I was ashamed to realize that I had let a child of the devil(John 8:44) deceive me and encourage me to sin.

I tried to convince them one more time. I knew that if they had really truly gotten saved, they would see the wrong- but they didn't. Instead they tried to get me to do something worse.

So I got out of that mess as fast as I could. I repented and gave my life back to God.

they didn't.

Since they had just "gotten saved" and been publically baptized, they got the better end of the deal. Their parents made it "clear" to everyone that it was their kid who repented and I was still living in rebellion. They made sure that my name was made worse than mud.

that hurt.

especially since I knew the truth.

God helped me to forgive though, and I moved on...

|| a bad name is a serious handicap. It hinders everything you try to do. It makes it hard + seemingly impossible to serve God. It hurts.

--> Fast forward a few years + some more bad decisions later.

A friend of mine was faced with a serious decision. It seemed like there was only one way out- OUT. I believed the same thing until the Lord used a couple people to point out another way.

I (along with a couple other people) encouraged my friend to make peace, and in the end, they did.

but nobody knew.

nobody knew that I had a part in encouraging them to do right. and deep down inside I wanted them too. I wanted to gain back some of the respect my name didn't have. But it didn't work that way. It wouldn't have mattered if people knew either, because they would never think me capable of doing that.

// it took a lot, but I finally came to grips with the fact that my name will probably never be cleared. People will never be able to look at me and get past my past.

But ya know what? I learned that it really doesn't matter!

My name is written in heaven. God knows my heart(Proverbs 17:3b). He has cleansed me from my sins, and that's what really matters!

For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them.
-Proverbs 22:23

Gods got my name covered. When we get to heave, the truth will come out and my name will be cleared. But until them, I am content knowing that God sees everything and he knows the truth!